Here at OC, we are struck by how often we end up in everyday conundrums. The ones that land you in the thick of semi (or full-blown) awkwardness, or maybe, the doghouse.
So, we turned to Simon Collins, the dean of the School of Fashion at Parsons, who after six years in his plum perch, stepped down at the end of last year to launch "Simon 2.0," as he calls it. Translation: More time to talk about how to dodge an email, or properly behave on an elevator.
Q. I think we've become expected to check, and respond, to email 24 hours a day. Is there a polite way to tell people,"CTFD—I'll get back to you, when I get back to you?"
Now this is a tricky one. You see, there are some people in very, very high up places who get back to you within four minutes. I’ve experienced this and I'm frankly in awe of them. I’m talking about people who you see on telly a lot and run enormous enterprises (no names, but very familiar "fashion" haircuts…). They get back to you because they want to get back to you. Having been on both the right and wrong side of some of these people, I know that you can also get a response... never.
But what about us mere mortals? My advice is to cut and paste the following responses, but don’t say I told you:
“I’m so terribly sorry, but I want to do full justice to this fine question you've posed, so a speedy response simply wouldn’t be sufficiently respectful. I hope you’ll grant me a fraction of a moment to be able to offer you an answer befitting the magnitude of the question.”
Or...
“Look, I’m a bit mad busy at the mo’ so would you mind terribly if I got back to you tomorrow which I promise to do? Thanks awfully.”
Or...
“Listen—I’ll get back to you when I’m fucking ready and 'til then, back the fuck off.”
Finally, a couple of acronyms you might find useful:
tl; dr — "too long; didn't read" and my person favorite NMFP — "Not My Fucking Problem"
Q. The other day, I found myself leaning up against a stranger on the elevator for a full 20 seconds before noticing, being so engrossed with my iPhone. Thank God he was good-humored about it, but when I looked back, I noticed he was checking out my screen of text messages. Can we talk about proper elevator etiquette?!
You cheeky minx! So, it took you 20 seconds to realize you were bumping-and-grinding with the victim, who you then go on to accuse of reading your (no doubt) hilarious observations of America's Got Talent? I think you got off lightly. When in public, you should try and control your base instincts. There are special clubs for your sort, you know...
That said, a shortlist for How To Behave In Elevators:
— Don’t speak
— Don’t make eye contact
— Face the door
— Don’t touch anyone (see above)
— Carefully assess who, when the elevator gets stuck and you are trapped for four days, you will 1.) befriend 2.) kiss and 3.) eat (when rations run out).![]()
Simon Collins
So, we turned to Simon Collins, the dean of the School of Fashion at Parsons, who after six years in his plum perch, stepped down at the end of last year to launch "Simon 2.0," as he calls it. Translation: More time to talk about how to dodge an email, or properly behave on an elevator.
Q. I think we've become expected to check, and respond, to email 24 hours a day. Is there a polite way to tell people,"CTFD—I'll get back to you, when I get back to you?"
Now this is a tricky one. You see, there are some people in very, very high up places who get back to you within four minutes. I’ve experienced this and I'm frankly in awe of them. I’m talking about people who you see on telly a lot and run enormous enterprises (no names, but very familiar "fashion" haircuts…). They get back to you because they want to get back to you. Having been on both the right and wrong side of some of these people, I know that you can also get a response... never.
But what about us mere mortals? My advice is to cut and paste the following responses, but don’t say I told you:
“I’m so terribly sorry, but I want to do full justice to this fine question you've posed, so a speedy response simply wouldn’t be sufficiently respectful. I hope you’ll grant me a fraction of a moment to be able to offer you an answer befitting the magnitude of the question.”
Or...
“Look, I’m a bit mad busy at the mo’ so would you mind terribly if I got back to you tomorrow which I promise to do? Thanks awfully.”
Or...
“Listen—I’ll get back to you when I’m fucking ready and 'til then, back the fuck off.”
Finally, a couple of acronyms you might find useful:
tl; dr — "too long; didn't read" and my person favorite NMFP — "Not My Fucking Problem"
Q. The other day, I found myself leaning up against a stranger on the elevator for a full 20 seconds before noticing, being so engrossed with my iPhone. Thank God he was good-humored about it, but when I looked back, I noticed he was checking out my screen of text messages. Can we talk about proper elevator etiquette?!
You cheeky minx! So, it took you 20 seconds to realize you were bumping-and-grinding with the victim, who you then go on to accuse of reading your (no doubt) hilarious observations of America's Got Talent? I think you got off lightly. When in public, you should try and control your base instincts. There are special clubs for your sort, you know...
That said, a shortlist for How To Behave In Elevators:
— Don’t speak
— Don’t make eye contact
— Face the door
— Don’t touch anyone (see above)
— Carefully assess who, when the elevator gets stuck and you are trapped for four days, you will 1.) befriend 2.) kiss and 3.) eat (when rations run out).
Simon Collins