Here at OC, we are struck by how often we end up in everyday conundrums. The ones that land you in the thick of semi (or full-blown) awkwardness, or maybe, the doghouse.
So, we turned to Simon Collins, the dean of the School of Fashion at Parsons, who after six years in his plum perch, just announced plans to step down at the end of this year. Translation: More time to divulge lessons on how to behave nicely... even before your morning cuppa.
Q: Is "I haven't had my coffee yet" just an excuse to be an unbridled bitch?
Existentially speaking, one person’s "unbridled bitchiness" is another’s, "Darling, are we feeling special this morning?"
Don't try to tell me you haven't been both. We do all have our morning rituals and some are more rigid than others. There are some who rise in a gentle fashion, nibbling a delicate morsel, perusing the day’s news, not really up for contact before their morning cuppa, but not necessarily a problem child.
And then there are those who have a very strong point of view on early morning, pre-caffeine contact. My dearest friend would famously answer a ringing phone before 9:00 AM with the clearly enunciated line, "This had better be fucking good"—and that was long before the days of caller display.
Recently, I’ve noticed a cup with a public service announcement showing three levels:
1. SHHH
2. ALMOST
3. NOW YOU MAY SPEAK
Forewarned is forearmed perhaps, but is lack of caffeine an excuse for poor behavior? I am bound to say, no, it is not. Most of us don’t really have it in us to be unpleasant, whether your poison is present or not. So, next time you encounter someone behaving in a "special" way and citing lack of coffee as the excuse, you might try the vengeful flight attendant’s remedy. Not too hot, just wet, and down the front of their shirt.
Q: When are you too old to get dressed up for Halloween?
A girl kissed me when I was 12 years old, because she liked the way I was dressed. From that day on, I’ve tried my hardest to dress nicely at all times and Halloween is no exception. To answer the question—we are NEVER too old to get dressed up for Halloween. But equally, we are never too young to dress badly. My advice for a costume is always choose something that you might almost have worn under normal circumstances. If you’re going to be a vampire, then be the best looking vampire you can imagine (Gary Oldman comes to mind), not a twerp in ill-fitting dark clothes with plastic teeth. If you’re going to be a nurse (and there is nothing wrong with that) then be the hottest, coldest, chicest, cleanest nurse you can be. Not a personal ad reject. Remember, brilliance only, in everything—always.![]()
Simon Collins
So, we turned to Simon Collins, the dean of the School of Fashion at Parsons, who after six years in his plum perch, just announced plans to step down at the end of this year. Translation: More time to divulge lessons on how to behave nicely... even before your morning cuppa.
Q: Is "I haven't had my coffee yet" just an excuse to be an unbridled bitch?
Existentially speaking, one person’s "unbridled bitchiness" is another’s, "Darling, are we feeling special this morning?"
Don't try to tell me you haven't been both. We do all have our morning rituals and some are more rigid than others. There are some who rise in a gentle fashion, nibbling a delicate morsel, perusing the day’s news, not really up for contact before their morning cuppa, but not necessarily a problem child.
And then there are those who have a very strong point of view on early morning, pre-caffeine contact. My dearest friend would famously answer a ringing phone before 9:00 AM with the clearly enunciated line, "This had better be fucking good"—and that was long before the days of caller display.
Recently, I’ve noticed a cup with a public service announcement showing three levels:
1. SHHH
2. ALMOST
3. NOW YOU MAY SPEAK
Forewarned is forearmed perhaps, but is lack of caffeine an excuse for poor behavior? I am bound to say, no, it is not. Most of us don’t really have it in us to be unpleasant, whether your poison is present or not. So, next time you encounter someone behaving in a "special" way and citing lack of coffee as the excuse, you might try the vengeful flight attendant’s remedy. Not too hot, just wet, and down the front of their shirt.
Q: When are you too old to get dressed up for Halloween?
A girl kissed me when I was 12 years old, because she liked the way I was dressed. From that day on, I’ve tried my hardest to dress nicely at all times and Halloween is no exception. To answer the question—we are NEVER too old to get dressed up for Halloween. But equally, we are never too young to dress badly. My advice for a costume is always choose something that you might almost have worn under normal circumstances. If you’re going to be a vampire, then be the best looking vampire you can imagine (Gary Oldman comes to mind), not a twerp in ill-fitting dark clothes with plastic teeth. If you’re going to be a nurse (and there is nothing wrong with that) then be the hottest, coldest, chicest, cleanest nurse you can be. Not a personal ad reject. Remember, brilliance only, in everything—always.
Simon Collins