Here at OC, we are struck by how often we end up in everyday conundrums. The ones that land you in the thick of semi (or full-blown) awkwardness, or maybe, the doghouse.
So, we turned to Simon Collins, the dean of the School of Fashion at Parsons. Collins recently penned a TOME that explores how and why people get to be so dang successful. To glean a bit of that for ourselves, we've launched Simon Says, in which Collins lends tongue-in-cheek, Brit-bloke advice to our pain-point questions and social entanglements.
So, we turned to Simon Collins, the dean of the School of Fashion at Parsons. Collins recently penned a TOME that explores how and why people get to be so dang successful. To glean a bit of that for ourselves, we've launched Simon Says, in which Collins lends tongue-in-cheek, Brit-bloke advice to our pain-point questions and social entanglements.
Q: Even as a master of etiquette, you must have experienced that awkwardness when you run into someone you should know and make conversation while you rack your brain to place them. What should one do?!
As ever, there are various ways of dealing with this particular situation and I happen to have tried 'em all. I have, you see, the unique ability to forget a person's name even before they have finished saying it. Perhaps I'm so enchanted by them offering me such treasured information that I go into a daze.
Anyway, onto business. A civilized person in a business or polite social situation will offer his name upfront at the beginning of the interlude and thus give you a fighting chance of being able to mention it. Indeed, you can then employ the "Of course I know who you are, silly" line that makes you seem super friendly. If, however, they leave you hanging––or even worse, you don't remember them at all––then you have to go for the "Deeply Meant Generalities" ploy. Look them in the eye, wrinkle your face into your friendliest smile, and ask with all earnestness, "How on earth are you?" And, here's the trick: Say it like you actually care. This will take them off guard, because of course no one actually cares. Keep them talking and you'll probably figure it out. If not, they're clearly not that important in your life, so pull the "phone-rang-got-to-dash" ploy and get out of there.
One step further is when you hear your name called, and you can't even see who called, let alone have any idea of their name. This happened to me only last week while walking the sunny streets of Sanlitun in Beijing. I've been on the telly over there from time to time, so I've a good many friends and have to be prepared. My name was called in a perky fashion from between the stems of a bamboo fence. I could only perceive the glimmer of a face, so I offered, "Oh, it's YOU! We must catch up. Call me!" Big grin. Take off at speed.
Q: I hate it when people pet my dog, and it's even worst when they don't acknowledge that the dog has an owner. Is there a way to politely tell them, "Don't pet the animal"?
Oh come now, I think we can all see what's going on here. I didn't watch that crime show Cracker without learning how to recognize a plea for attention. And we both know I'm not talking about your dog.
It's well known that single people get dogs for two reasons. One, you want to meet other dog people. Two, because you're never going to meet anyone and you've given up but don't want to die alone and unloved and not be found for weeks. Pointless to argue, because I read it on the Internet so it must be true.
Anyhoo, the fact of the matter is that you should be pushing your dog in front of the hot guys/girls you want to meet and rolling your eyes coquettishly at the compliments heaped upon the poor mutt. Because they're really about you. And th